Remember Alias from my previous blogs?
Alias goes shopping for a pair of size 8 or 9 shoes, depending on the shape and style. To his disappointment all size 8 and 9’s, being the most common sizes, have sold out. He speaks to the Manager as to why the manufacturer doesn’t produce more of these two sizes as they are the most popular, he’s told this would be discriminatory against people with smaller/larger feet. Baffled he leaves the store and passes a gourmet deli he once frequented, sadly it has been forced to close inspite of running a booming business, selling high quality cheese, fish and smallgoods. The owner retired and sold the business, the new owner replaced all the quality products with cheap low-grade ones, ending up bankrupt within six months. By now, Alias had found a small supermarket that sells the same high- quality goods he cherished, the demand for the goods is immense. However, the goods are frequently ‘out of stock’, sometimes for a week or more. When Alias enquired, a staff member explained “the owner has a monthly budget for buying stock and not a supply and demand basis”. Bewildered, Alias finished his grocery shopping and went home to fry a couple of free range, imported eggs. He noticed the toast bread he bought in good faith was gluten free and spiced with aniseed. Trying to drown his sorrows with ‘caffeine free’ coffee, a fact he had overlooked in the shop, he also noticed the milk he bought was lactose free, strawberry and chilli flavoured almond milk. The same day, Alias received an email asking for a review on the almond milk he had bought. It wasn’t a request for his opinion, just a rating from zero to ten. Trying to give it a zero, it came up as an error by the automated system. Alias, who would rather have drunk warm beer than fusion-cuisine milk, was confused. He sat down to read the newspaper, in preference to watching the on-line news because print doesn’t allow for pop ups. Adding to his confusion there was news about a campaign for a more inclusive society, led by a member of an exclusive club in alliance with an exclusive religious cult. Trying to clear his mind before his upcoming dental appointment, Alias turned on the TV, only to be warned of yet another ‘Mother of all Storms’ and he pondered; ‘Storms seem to have a lot of mothers’. Alerted, he called his mother- in law, who was very conscious of her hair style and advised her not to venture outside until the storm had passed. Seeking tranquillity, he switched the channel and watched some ‘formula one’ racing. Later, on the way to the dentist, he noticed the freeway he was driving on resembled a formula one racetrack, people driving erratically, weaving, and suddenly crossing up to four lanes at high speed without indicating. He wondered whether they valued life at all. Alias made it to the dentist safely, was reassured of his good dental health, but not discharged before being lectured for the 98th time, on how to brush his teeth. Back home he turned the heater on high and downed a large scotch, for it was freezing cold in fact, the fifth exceptionally cold year in a row. Surfing the internet for answers, Alias found that climate experts predicted the dawn of a new ice age as an adverse effect of global warming. Gradually, confusion became too mild a word to describe Alias’ altered, distorted state of mind. Assured, he concluded that it was caused by disorganised and/or unrealistic people.